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Post by Nyeo Son on Jan 7, 2018 18:28:51 GMT
Seems like it's something people like to have happen, shoot me a request, i'm nicer than i look... and sound.... and am...
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Post by Erin Fausse on Jan 7, 2018 21:59:10 GMT
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Post by Nyeo Son on Jan 7, 2018 22:11:43 GMT
Don't need to read your writing to do that
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Post by Erin Fausse on Jan 7, 2018 22:12:30 GMT
This is fair.
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Post by Nyeo Son on Jan 7, 2018 22:36:03 GMT
but now for serious talk. #1. font size, jesus man, just up it a little bit, this was hard to read because of it. #2. i really like the 2nd part of the shoot with the pro-seperation message, because Erin has a point, but as people who want to see female characters fight male ones we don't want her to. Prime Heel shoot! #3. time skips are cool to read, and add to it, but they also make things harder to follow, and should be used sparingly in my opinion, not sure this RP called for them. I think my lack of love for the CD might have been because i'm not fully familiar with the character, you could have used a bit more of a proper introduction given that we have a new site, but your shoot was absolutely lovely, keep that shit up!
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Jan 7, 2018 22:59:50 GMT
Me next, me next!
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Post by Nyeo Son on Jan 8, 2018 12:31:44 GMT
Good setup, not bad shoot at all, but the shoot isn't showing as much character as it should, i think you need to channel more L into the shoot. this is the hardest part of eFedding to me, so it's understandable, but that's what Tru Grit is for, to make you find that shooting voice that really fits your character
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Post by Heavy Metal Masutarou on Jan 8, 2018 17:26:25 GMT
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Post by Andre Aquarius on Jan 8, 2018 17:56:36 GMT
Right in my cheeks, daddy-o.
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Corey Bull
Red Belt
The World Needs A Hero
Posts: 58
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Post by Corey Bull on Jan 8, 2018 18:04:31 GMT
Ooooooooooooooooooooooooo do me too
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Post by Nyeo Son on Jan 15, 2018 20:51:56 GMT
Decided to go with your more recent RP instead, sorry that i've been inactive on here for a little bit. Overall it's really, REALLY good shit, but i can't help but feel that you need to do a once-over before you post, next time, i know that I and many others are guilty of this too, but the transitions from conversation point to conversation point are a tiny bit jarring, which coupled with a few minor continuity errors (Masutarou mentioning his opponent by name, then being told who his opponent his) takes you out of what is otherwise an A grade piece of writing. It really only is that tiny bit of effort that is standing in the way of you posting RPs so good that i'll have nothing to say.
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Post by Heavy Metal Masutarou on Jan 15, 2018 21:21:28 GMT
Decided to go with your more recent RP instead, sorry that i've been inactive on here for a little bit. Overall it's really, REALLY good shit, but i can't help but feel that you need to do a once-over before you post, next time, i know that I and many others are guilty of this too, but the transitions from conversation point to conversation point are a tiny bit jarring, which coupled with a few minor continuity errors (Masutarou mentioning his opponent by name, then being told who his opponent his) takes you out of what is otherwise an A grade piece of writing. It really only is that tiny bit of effort that is standing in the way of you posting RPs so good that i'll have nothing to say. Lol shit, you know I went over it a few times before I posted it and didn’t even realize that I did this! Probably wouldn’t have until you - or if somebody else - mentioned it. JFC Thank you for the feedback man, much appreciated!
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