Monday Bloody Monday Feedback Thread 1/8/18
Jan 9, 2018 17:27:13 GMT
CEO Vincent Pryde, jenson, and 2 more like this
Post by FarCry on Jan 9, 2018 17:27:13 GMT
Feel free to use this as a jumping off point and react to this or post your own review.
(I’ll be using an arbitrary star system. Please don’t get wrapped up in stars. Some segments are SUPPOSED to be low star segments/matches, for example the bum fight match isn’t supposed to be a 5 star classic, but it doesn’t make it bad. If we are full of 5 star segments and matches then the bar is set too high and will be unattainable.)
-Pre Show- Bum Fight Championship Match
Ralph “The Human Vomit” Grosse vs Capt. Pelican
Writer: The Commish
Summary: Violent bloodbath ending with a no contest. This does NOT belong on television, and fortunately it’s not!
Review: Short, to the point. Sets the stage for the bumfight division. I imagine in a wrestling show this type of short and sweet bloodbath is a good way to whet the whistles of the crowd there.
2/5 Stars
NBW First Blood Division Match
Matt Angel vs Emmit Kraus
Writer: The Commish
Summary: Back and forth action- both men bleed- Krauss gets the pin.
Review: … needs to be blood first and a pinfall- am I the only one that wasn’t clear of the rules of the division. I thought first blood was a metaphor, not literal lol. I personally don’t think this is necessary. I get the point of the division but it’s going to make the match writing a little stale IMO. The match was well written, both men came out strong. It’s our first introduction to the announcers and we get an idea of how the commish see’s them in his head.
Good for an opening match. The story being told is them trying to bust each other open, which is going to be the story of every first blood match which is going to get Boring IMO. I think we need to clarify and/or revise the rules of this division. First Blood OR Pinfall, not First Blood AND Pinfall. I think that would open up the writing a bit more, if you have two technical wrestlers it can be a standard match. If you have a hardcore guy and a technical guy you can match styles, etc…
Overall good showing by both people, I think the right person won.
3/5 stars.
Brooke Bell Segment
Summary: Brooke Bell and Andre Aquarius meet, is there a love connection?
Review: Short intro, good segue for a show. Perfect for where it was. I imagine NBW theme music playing in the background quietly during the whole thing as it is merely a segue.
2/5 stars
Mya Denton segment
Summary: Quick intro to Mya Denton. She’s small and aggressive.
Review: Another short and sweet segment. We get a quick idea of who Mya is. Placement is odd… *Edit* after reading forward I think the placement is perfect. If she showed up like this AFTER the segment after the next match it would have been weird.
2/5 stars
NBW First Blood Division Match
Andre Aquarius vs FarCry
Writer: FarCry
(since I wrote this I’m gonna write what my intention was with the match)
Summary (first of all, I didn’t know it was first blood first, so the match reads a little weird) The idea was to show FarCry as a solid wrestler while Andre was a good wrestler who’s too scrappy to lose. I think it came through and whether he was faking the injury at the end or simply overcoming it either way it speaks volumes to his character. Well done Spence.
Review: My writing of the commentators seemed in line with the Commish’s writing of them. The commentators have a voice now. However I wrote their full names and Commish wrote either first or last names… we need continuity in things like this to help the show look better. I think full names is the way to go.
3/5
FarCry/Mya Segment
Summary: Mya comes out and mocks FarCry after his loss in her own unique way. He ignores her and walks backstage.
Review: Unlike with Brooke and Andre where they seemed to hit it off right away it seems like a feud may be building between these two. Time will tell.
9/5 beyond perfect segment!
3/5 for real
L Verez Segment
Summary: L Verez is pissed that a women’s division even exists. It’s the first time it’s mentioned on television and seems like an important moment.
Review: Great writing, great use of the commentators and announcer. Good placement and sets up what should be a fed wide angle.
4/5
Tru Grit Division Match
L Verez vs Travis McKenna
Writer: Commish
Summary: Verez struggles to take down the bigger opponent and overcomes adversity for the win.
Review: Well written match, told a story, Verez was a worthy winner. Considering she spoke of Travis being a woman beater it would have been nice to hear more about that in the telling of the match.
3/5
Karlie Nash Segment
Summary: Karlie Nash bought a prostitute. Miranda is upset with her. Tracy joins the group shows concern for Karlie and her upcoming match.
Review: I love me some Karlie Nash. One of the more interesting characters I’ve read. You’ve set this story up on TV and it needs to play itself out on TV. And I wish you explained who Miranda and Tracy are more. I know from UCI, but new people, or new fans to NBW will have no idea why these people are important. Every time Paul Heyman comes out he says “My name is Paul Heyman and I am the Advocate for the BEAST Brock Lesnar!” We all know who he is, but people are tuning into the show for the first time. They will have heard of the in ring talent but not the supporting cast, they need to be properly introduced EVERY Time, whether it’s as obvious as Paul Heyman or in the narrative of the segment.
2/5
Brooke Bell vs Erin Fausse vs Karlie Nash
Writer: The Very Smartest of Joes
Summary: a 450 splash on both opponents by Fausse causes her to land on Brooke while in a pinning position on Karlie giving them both the win.
Review: Make a choice, Pryde. No bullshit double finishes like this in the first week. It seemed forced in the writing of it and seemed unsatisfying. A well written match ruined by a poor finish.
2/5
The Smartest of Joes segment
Summary: The Smartest of Joes has no idea where he is or what he’s doing there.
Review: Hilarious. Good comic relief in an otherwise serious show. We need that here. “You’re not Spencer.” Made me laugh out loud at work. Only question is what now? I wish you set up the Joeprah segments you plan on running. Have pryde really come down hard on Joe and Joe take it as a compliment. Pryde says something like :You have to prove your worth to stay employed here.” And Joe has the perfect idea… something like that.
3/5
Bonnie Blue Segment
Summary: Bonnie continues the L Verez segment from earlier regarding the dichotomy and derision of the women’s division. Pryde comes out and threatens Bonnie’s Job and Bonnie steps back, for now. Makes L Verez seem less important than Bonnie since Pryde didn’t feel the need to come out when she aired her grievances.
Review: Bonnie’s writing is second to no one. But some things left me confused. Bonnie never said she would do anything to break any rules, she merely said that she deserved MORE than just a woman’s division. Pryde threatening her career seemed forced. Then at the end she rolled out of the ring even though her match was next. Seemed odd for me. But the message was clear and well thought out. I wish Bonnie was more aggressive, she was right but she backed down too quick without any true threats. Could have been stronger.
3/5
Women’s Championship Tournament for #1 contender shot against NBW Champion Vandalia at Blood Moon Rising
Bonnie Blue vs Ginger Red vs Lexi
Writer: the commish
Summary: Great action showing the strength of the women’s division ending with the current women’s champ showing her disgust at the matriarch of UCI and sending a message.
Review: In this case the schmoz ending was worthwhile as it continued an angle. But what does this mean for the tournament? Is this a no contest and no one moves on from this match, in that case having two winners from the previous match makes more sense. Time will tell.
4/5
Fuck, I’m only halfway through!
Sebastian Knight Segment
Summary: Knight puts the entire locker room on blast specifically his opponent tonight, Alex Richards
Review: Strong shoot by knight. Good introduction to the main event player tonight.
4/5
Leo vs Chaos vs Nyeo Son
Writer: Joe
Summary: A relatively and appreciatively short match ends abruptly when Nyeo Sun taps out Leo for the win.
Review: I enjoyed the match. The commentary to action in this match seemed too skewed towards commentary withohut enough match description but as I mentioned before it is appreciated and I enjoyed it very much.
3/5
Commish and Bull Segment
Summary: Commish recruits Bull to find what I assume is the the Bum Fight Division competitors.
Review: Fucking loved the segment. Bull is the perfect character for this recruitment and the message was loud and clear. For continuity’s sake it should have been done in script format rather than third person which is the only reason this loses a point.
4/5
Gray Zee Segment
Summary: Meet Gray Zee, the young prideful wrestler with his eyes set on Cassidy Kaine and the world title.
Review: Weird segment. What is the VWA Television Championship? Good enough intro though. Needs to be in script format. Maybe we need a thread that explains how the matches/segments need to be written out.
2/5
Legato vs Corey Bull
Writer: Commish
Summary: Hard hitting match with Bull getting ‘robbed’ as Legato picks up the victory by meeting a ten count before Bull.
Review: good match. Bull takes the loss but still looks strong which is needed for the character. I think a better story could have been told about taking down the big Bull, he seemed to go down a bit easy the first time. Take a while to take down the 7 footer then it becomes easier after the first time.
3/5
FFC Segment
Summary: Fat Fuck Carl opts for the acronym for the name and tries to get an explanation for the referee’s decision in the last match. Result: Referee’s decision is final. Poor camera man Dwayne runs off in fear of the woman.
Review: Great simple and to the point segment. Needs to be done in script style. Didn’t need to be completely separate from the match… more on that later.
3/5
Kidsgrove Segment
Summary: Kidsgrove has some pull with Andre Jenson as his lawyer and agent. He gets Taylor Lorde as a personal announcer and Jimmy Garcia as a personal commentator.
Review: Awesome segment. I loved the heel aspect of it. It started off a little cheap heat for my taste, but the overall message squashed that immediately. Great introduction of characters and good use of the secondary characters. Loved every second of it. Best thing I’ve read so far. I wish he had a match this week.
5/5
Tru Grit Division Match
“Heavy Metal” Masutarou vs “The Handsome Half-Breed” Shadowlove vs Dark Spectre
Writer: Vincent Pryde
Summary: Everyone put up great RPs for this match and everyone looked great during the match. Matsatarou pins Spectre for the win. No one should feel bad about this performance.
Review: Great written match. Great way to get the crowd pumped for the main event with this high flying hard hitting action where the main event will surely be a more pound and ground match. Congrats to the winner.
4/5
Main Event
Alex Richards vs Sebastian Knight vs K.L. Henson
Writer: Kyle
Summary: Pretty short Main event ending with Knight picking up the win on Richards.
Review: Good match. I expect more from Kyle, but that’s asking for a lot considering what I’ve read this guy do. And I wish that Henson took the pin since he no showed.
3/5
Overall Review
7/10 show
Summary: We’ve set up a relationship between Brooke and Andre, a feud between FarCry and Mya and a group of defiant women trying to break the bonds of a misogynistic women’s division. The current Champs were mentioned and I think need to be featured a bit more. The Women’s champ was featured but the World Champ needs to make his face seen.
We need to work on continuity, but one thing I was VERY impressed with was how everyone used the same voices for the commentators and announcer. Abbie was a punk rock bitch the whole time, Remi was a bit of an arrogant prick, Conway knew what the fuck she was talking about and took shit form no one, and Charlie was this odd wrestling guru with odd quirks. I think this works perfectly and needs to be continued.
We need a set guideline of how things are written. IMO we need to use the announcer’s full names or partial names but not go back and forth. Also, some of the post-match segments don’t need their own post. I think it would run smoother if for example after the FarCry/Andre match that instead of a new post there was simply a continuation of the match with the segment at the end. We can write (FarCry/Mya Segment) before it but keep it as a continuous post.
As a first show this was great. Everyone worked hard to get it up on time and nothing seemed horribly out of place. A few tweeks will put us over the top. I think this is about the best we can expect out of a first show. There was a lot of hype and I think we lived up to it. Well done everyone. Sex all around!
(I’ll be using an arbitrary star system. Please don’t get wrapped up in stars. Some segments are SUPPOSED to be low star segments/matches, for example the bum fight match isn’t supposed to be a 5 star classic, but it doesn’t make it bad. If we are full of 5 star segments and matches then the bar is set too high and will be unattainable.)
-Pre Show- Bum Fight Championship Match
Ralph “The Human Vomit” Grosse vs Capt. Pelican
Writer: The Commish
Summary: Violent bloodbath ending with a no contest. This does NOT belong on television, and fortunately it’s not!
Review: Short, to the point. Sets the stage for the bumfight division. I imagine in a wrestling show this type of short and sweet bloodbath is a good way to whet the whistles of the crowd there.
2/5 Stars
NBW First Blood Division Match
Matt Angel vs Emmit Kraus
Writer: The Commish
Summary: Back and forth action- both men bleed- Krauss gets the pin.
Review: … needs to be blood first and a pinfall- am I the only one that wasn’t clear of the rules of the division. I thought first blood was a metaphor, not literal lol. I personally don’t think this is necessary. I get the point of the division but it’s going to make the match writing a little stale IMO. The match was well written, both men came out strong. It’s our first introduction to the announcers and we get an idea of how the commish see’s them in his head.
Good for an opening match. The story being told is them trying to bust each other open, which is going to be the story of every first blood match which is going to get Boring IMO. I think we need to clarify and/or revise the rules of this division. First Blood OR Pinfall, not First Blood AND Pinfall. I think that would open up the writing a bit more, if you have two technical wrestlers it can be a standard match. If you have a hardcore guy and a technical guy you can match styles, etc…
Overall good showing by both people, I think the right person won.
3/5 stars.
Brooke Bell Segment
Summary: Brooke Bell and Andre Aquarius meet, is there a love connection?
Review: Short intro, good segue for a show. Perfect for where it was. I imagine NBW theme music playing in the background quietly during the whole thing as it is merely a segue.
2/5 stars
Mya Denton segment
Summary: Quick intro to Mya Denton. She’s small and aggressive.
Review: Another short and sweet segment. We get a quick idea of who Mya is. Placement is odd… *Edit* after reading forward I think the placement is perfect. If she showed up like this AFTER the segment after the next match it would have been weird.
2/5 stars
NBW First Blood Division Match
Andre Aquarius vs FarCry
Writer: FarCry
(since I wrote this I’m gonna write what my intention was with the match)
Summary (first of all, I didn’t know it was first blood first, so the match reads a little weird) The idea was to show FarCry as a solid wrestler while Andre was a good wrestler who’s too scrappy to lose. I think it came through and whether he was faking the injury at the end or simply overcoming it either way it speaks volumes to his character. Well done Spence.
Review: My writing of the commentators seemed in line with the Commish’s writing of them. The commentators have a voice now. However I wrote their full names and Commish wrote either first or last names… we need continuity in things like this to help the show look better. I think full names is the way to go.
3/5
FarCry/Mya Segment
Summary: Mya comes out and mocks FarCry after his loss in her own unique way. He ignores her and walks backstage.
Review: Unlike with Brooke and Andre where they seemed to hit it off right away it seems like a feud may be building between these two. Time will tell.
9/5 beyond perfect segment!
3/5 for real
L Verez Segment
Summary: L Verez is pissed that a women’s division even exists. It’s the first time it’s mentioned on television and seems like an important moment.
Review: Great writing, great use of the commentators and announcer. Good placement and sets up what should be a fed wide angle.
4/5
Tru Grit Division Match
L Verez vs Travis McKenna
Writer: Commish
Summary: Verez struggles to take down the bigger opponent and overcomes adversity for the win.
Review: Well written match, told a story, Verez was a worthy winner. Considering she spoke of Travis being a woman beater it would have been nice to hear more about that in the telling of the match.
3/5
Karlie Nash Segment
Summary: Karlie Nash bought a prostitute. Miranda is upset with her. Tracy joins the group shows concern for Karlie and her upcoming match.
Review: I love me some Karlie Nash. One of the more interesting characters I’ve read. You’ve set this story up on TV and it needs to play itself out on TV. And I wish you explained who Miranda and Tracy are more. I know from UCI, but new people, or new fans to NBW will have no idea why these people are important. Every time Paul Heyman comes out he says “My name is Paul Heyman and I am the Advocate for the BEAST Brock Lesnar!” We all know who he is, but people are tuning into the show for the first time. They will have heard of the in ring talent but not the supporting cast, they need to be properly introduced EVERY Time, whether it’s as obvious as Paul Heyman or in the narrative of the segment.
2/5
Brooke Bell vs Erin Fausse vs Karlie Nash
Writer: The Very Smartest of Joes
Summary: a 450 splash on both opponents by Fausse causes her to land on Brooke while in a pinning position on Karlie giving them both the win.
Review: Make a choice, Pryde. No bullshit double finishes like this in the first week. It seemed forced in the writing of it and seemed unsatisfying. A well written match ruined by a poor finish.
2/5
The Smartest of Joes segment
Summary: The Smartest of Joes has no idea where he is or what he’s doing there.
Review: Hilarious. Good comic relief in an otherwise serious show. We need that here. “You’re not Spencer.” Made me laugh out loud at work. Only question is what now? I wish you set up the Joeprah segments you plan on running. Have pryde really come down hard on Joe and Joe take it as a compliment. Pryde says something like :You have to prove your worth to stay employed here.” And Joe has the perfect idea… something like that.
3/5
Bonnie Blue Segment
Summary: Bonnie continues the L Verez segment from earlier regarding the dichotomy and derision of the women’s division. Pryde comes out and threatens Bonnie’s Job and Bonnie steps back, for now. Makes L Verez seem less important than Bonnie since Pryde didn’t feel the need to come out when she aired her grievances.
Review: Bonnie’s writing is second to no one. But some things left me confused. Bonnie never said she would do anything to break any rules, she merely said that she deserved MORE than just a woman’s division. Pryde threatening her career seemed forced. Then at the end she rolled out of the ring even though her match was next. Seemed odd for me. But the message was clear and well thought out. I wish Bonnie was more aggressive, she was right but she backed down too quick without any true threats. Could have been stronger.
3/5
Women’s Championship Tournament for #1 contender shot against NBW Champion Vandalia at Blood Moon Rising
Bonnie Blue vs Ginger Red vs Lexi
Writer: the commish
Summary: Great action showing the strength of the women’s division ending with the current women’s champ showing her disgust at the matriarch of UCI and sending a message.
Review: In this case the schmoz ending was worthwhile as it continued an angle. But what does this mean for the tournament? Is this a no contest and no one moves on from this match, in that case having two winners from the previous match makes more sense. Time will tell.
4/5
Fuck, I’m only halfway through!
Sebastian Knight Segment
Summary: Knight puts the entire locker room on blast specifically his opponent tonight, Alex Richards
Review: Strong shoot by knight. Good introduction to the main event player tonight.
4/5
Leo vs Chaos vs Nyeo Son
Writer: Joe
Summary: A relatively and appreciatively short match ends abruptly when Nyeo Sun taps out Leo for the win.
Review: I enjoyed the match. The commentary to action in this match seemed too skewed towards commentary withohut enough match description but as I mentioned before it is appreciated and I enjoyed it very much.
3/5
Commish and Bull Segment
Summary: Commish recruits Bull to find what I assume is the the Bum Fight Division competitors.
Review: Fucking loved the segment. Bull is the perfect character for this recruitment and the message was loud and clear. For continuity’s sake it should have been done in script format rather than third person which is the only reason this loses a point.
4/5
Gray Zee Segment
Summary: Meet Gray Zee, the young prideful wrestler with his eyes set on Cassidy Kaine and the world title.
Review: Weird segment. What is the VWA Television Championship? Good enough intro though. Needs to be in script format. Maybe we need a thread that explains how the matches/segments need to be written out.
2/5
Legato vs Corey Bull
Writer: Commish
Summary: Hard hitting match with Bull getting ‘robbed’ as Legato picks up the victory by meeting a ten count before Bull.
Review: good match. Bull takes the loss but still looks strong which is needed for the character. I think a better story could have been told about taking down the big Bull, he seemed to go down a bit easy the first time. Take a while to take down the 7 footer then it becomes easier after the first time.
3/5
FFC Segment
Summary: Fat Fuck Carl opts for the acronym for the name and tries to get an explanation for the referee’s decision in the last match. Result: Referee’s decision is final. Poor camera man Dwayne runs off in fear of the woman.
Review: Great simple and to the point segment. Needs to be done in script style. Didn’t need to be completely separate from the match… more on that later.
3/5
Kidsgrove Segment
Summary: Kidsgrove has some pull with Andre Jenson as his lawyer and agent. He gets Taylor Lorde as a personal announcer and Jimmy Garcia as a personal commentator.
Review: Awesome segment. I loved the heel aspect of it. It started off a little cheap heat for my taste, but the overall message squashed that immediately. Great introduction of characters and good use of the secondary characters. Loved every second of it. Best thing I’ve read so far. I wish he had a match this week.
5/5
Tru Grit Division Match
“Heavy Metal” Masutarou vs “The Handsome Half-Breed” Shadowlove vs Dark Spectre
Writer: Vincent Pryde
Summary: Everyone put up great RPs for this match and everyone looked great during the match. Matsatarou pins Spectre for the win. No one should feel bad about this performance.
Review: Great written match. Great way to get the crowd pumped for the main event with this high flying hard hitting action where the main event will surely be a more pound and ground match. Congrats to the winner.
4/5
Main Event
Alex Richards vs Sebastian Knight vs K.L. Henson
Writer: Kyle
Summary: Pretty short Main event ending with Knight picking up the win on Richards.
Review: Good match. I expect more from Kyle, but that’s asking for a lot considering what I’ve read this guy do. And I wish that Henson took the pin since he no showed.
3/5
Overall Review
7/10 show
Summary: We’ve set up a relationship between Brooke and Andre, a feud between FarCry and Mya and a group of defiant women trying to break the bonds of a misogynistic women’s division. The current Champs were mentioned and I think need to be featured a bit more. The Women’s champ was featured but the World Champ needs to make his face seen.
We need to work on continuity, but one thing I was VERY impressed with was how everyone used the same voices for the commentators and announcer. Abbie was a punk rock bitch the whole time, Remi was a bit of an arrogant prick, Conway knew what the fuck she was talking about and took shit form no one, and Charlie was this odd wrestling guru with odd quirks. I think this works perfectly and needs to be continued.
We need a set guideline of how things are written. IMO we need to use the announcer’s full names or partial names but not go back and forth. Also, some of the post-match segments don’t need their own post. I think it would run smoother if for example after the FarCry/Andre match that instead of a new post there was simply a continuation of the match with the segment at the end. We can write (FarCry/Mya Segment) before it but keep it as a continuous post.
As a first show this was great. Everyone worked hard to get it up on time and nothing seemed horribly out of place. A few tweeks will put us over the top. I think this is about the best we can expect out of a first show. There was a lot of hype and I think we lived up to it. Well done everyone. Sex all around!