Monday Bloody Monday 1-15-18 Feedback
Jan 16, 2018 17:08:59 GMT
CEO Vincent Pryde, jenson, and 2 more like this
Post by FarCry on Jan 16, 2018 17:08:59 GMT
Please leave some of your own as well. As much or as little as possible.
Dark Match
Bum Fight Battle Royal
Writer: The Commish
Summary- The match is essentially a TL;DR to the final paragraph
Conway: Well folks, it seems this match has not officially ended. However, Commissioner Lamarche has called for a stoppage. With two fighters left and no contender yet decided, it seems the outcome will have to come at a later date. Captain Pelican who interfered tonight was not sanctioned for competition after last week’s debacle. Check New Blood Wrestling online, or find follow us on Twitter for more. This has been Bum Fights, brought to you by Arby’s… letting you know: “We Have The Meats.” Stay tuned for a episode of New Blood Wrestling - live from Madison Square Garden!
But you should ALWAYS read stuff the Commish writes so I suggest you do it.
Review: Fun match with a lot of brutality with fun spots. Is anyone else invested in this? I want to see Captain Pelican Prevail personally
Advertisement 1: Travis McKenna
Summary: Introducing Travis McKenna and Morgan Baker… FEAR OF GOD!
Review: the segment was written well. It stayed a good length to keep the reader engaged and ended appropriately. However, with all due respect the opening segment is a main event segment IMO or a killer match. Not an introduction to a wrestler/team segment. I think the following segment would have been better suited to open the show.
Champion’s Meeting
Summary: These men and woman don’t get along, but they feel like they have to fight to keep the past intact. They all feel their legacies slipping away and rightfully so with this amazing new influx of talent. Kraus taking the role of leader even as a non champion.
Review: This is a perfect opening segment of a show. This should have been the opener. This is all of the champions in the fed getting together planning their way through the show. I’m glad they’re getting involved as everyone wants a piece of them.
It ends by cutting to the wrong match though… woopsy
Mya Denton vs Delilah Black
Writer: The Commish
Summary- a 15 star match ending with Mya Denton picking up the victory.
Review: Well written match with good attention to detail. The slight mention of the FarCry angle with Denton was a nice added and unexpected touch.
Advertisement 2: Razzle Dazzle
Summary: Broski pass me the ranch sauce
Review: Ranch is NOT A SAUCE… It’s a DRESSING! Complete fail!
For Real I thought it was a funny quick line and an appropriate set up potentially for what these guys are. It actually left me wanting more even though this review is longer than the segment lol.
Tag Match Snake Pit on Commentary
The Razzle Dazzlers of Fantazzmagazzles vs “The Big Deal” Gray Zee and Joe Smarts
Writer: the Commish
Summary: The Razzle …. Win the match with a GTS followed by a 360 leg drop.
Review: great debut for the Razzle Dazzlers. Fine written match and I look forward to reading more from both teams.
Advertisement 3: Brooke Bell
Summary: GET A ROOM YOU TWO!
Review: Short and sweet segment, building a relationship between the two characters. Could use a bit more scene description but sometimes less is more. I’m definitely interested to see where this goes.
First Blood Division Match
Leo vs Emmit Kraus
Writer: Masatarou
Summary: Leo goes in as a lovable face, and Emmit as the swarmy heel. Krauss forces the issue and drawing blood. We don’t even know if Leo is capable for drawing blood on Emmit at this point, morally that is. But a codebreaker takes that issue away as it slices open Emmit. Emmit finally gains control and comes away with the win.
Review: This was the best written match I think I’ve read in the two shows. It was the perfect length, had the right amount of action vs commentary. It told a story and was easy to go through. Both wrestlers came out strong without it beign forced. Well done Masatarou, Thanks.
Advertisement 4: Commish
Summary: The unlikely and devastating pairing of The Commish and Corey Bull get together again. Bull presents Pelican I suppose as his Bum Prodigy. Bull and The Commish beat on Pelican a little bit showing their lack of time for bullshit and their imposing natures.
Review: I found this hard to read. It’s disjoined, there’s not a lot of narration, which isn’t always necessary but I think was needed more here and the standard third person narrative as opposed to script writing with third person narration is confusing with all the writing so tight and short. It’s also different then the way the rest of the show is laid out. As a segment and pushing forward an angle it did exactly what it needed to, it just needed to be formatted differently.
Nyeo Son vs Dark Spectre vs Alex Richards
Writer: Commish
Summary: The match turns into a standard one on one when the commish comes out and explains that Richards is not available, but it’s not exactly clear why. But it is clear that nefarious actions have been taken to ensure this. Both men trade control of the match. Spectre looks like he’s met his match but refuses to quit despite what Nyeo throws his way. This frustration at not being able to put Spectre away gets the better of him and Spectre has the wherewithal to climb on top of Nyeo after an impressive reversal and pick up the win.
Review: Well written match. Both Roleplayers deserved strong showings and they got it. Spectre looks like a perennial underdog which I think fits the character.
Then we cut right to a promo.
Summary: Pryde and onslaught come out with a large sack then turns out is implied that Alex Richards is stuffed inside! Pryde is determined to keep control of the company he built by any means necessary and it’s clear. You’re with him or against him. A line has been drawn in the sand, and soon a choice will have to be made it seems.
Review: This was some dark shit. Good story. The quotations work better here with more of a soliloquy, but we need a standard format for everything.
Advertisement 5: Bonnie Blue
Blue and Verez show up on screen plotting their plan for dominance. Andre Jenson joins the fray and makes Sam Kidsgrove continue to look like a star with his words about him. He accuses the women about something then shakes their hand. He slips them a card reading INSURGENCY
Review: Awesome segment. We don’t know what’s going on but an alliance between The Guardains and Kidsgrove and Jenson will be entertaining AF. I loved 99% of it.
ONE thing to nitpick about, the 1%. Pryde should have kept the girls abreast OOC of what was happening RIGHT BEFORE this segment. The fact that they didn’t mention what Pryde said about Richards and the implied kidnapping seems off. It’s Efedding and there are going to be inconsistencies, but communication can prevent that from happening. Not everything has to be a surprise, things need to be discussed and planned out to maintain continuity. For example, what if someone was writing a segment for later in the show and they were walking backstage and wrote “Wrestler X walks by the trio of Guardians and then Past Shadowlove and Miss Miyamoto as he makes his way to his destination…” It’s an arbitrary thought but can cause an impassable inconsistency in the show. Again, nitpicking.
Women’s Division Match w/ Special Guest ref Vandalia w/ Bonnie Blue on commentary
Brooke Bell and Erin Fausse vs L Verez and Travis McKenna
Writer: Bonnie Blue
Summary: Verez and Bell Start. Bell seems to disrespect Verez as L takes control. Tags in McKenna, the odd Man in a woman’s match, and he loses the control. Bell maintains control for a while, with Fausse denying tag attempts when it doesn’t suit her. Fausse eventually gets in and maintains control. Chaos breaks loose and Bonnie can’t help herself. She strats hitting people with chairs, finally nailing Vandalia. But this is NBW and the match doesn’t end there. Bonnie Blue fights onslaught backstage and when the dust settles Fausse picks up the victory with a 450 splash on Verez.
Review: Awesome match. Fun to read, entertaining, told a story. Like Matasarou earlier, THIS is how a match should read. Great combination of action and commentary. It’s a hard balance to find but Bonnie nailed it here. Congrats to the winners.
Advertisement 6: FarCry
Summary: FarCry and Mya Denton have another small interchange. FarCry shouts no… Mya Shouts Yes… FFC has no idea what’s going on.
Review: I’m curious on what you think.
Chaos vs Matt Angel
Writer: Bonnie
Summary: David vs goliath and Matt Angel has to use his quickness to try and take down the Big Man Chaos. He gets him down with relative ease but can’t keep control. Chaos’s size gets the better of the match. But a high risk move gets Angel back into the match. But the big man’s size can’t be overcome as Chaos hits a chokeslam and picks up the victory.
Review: Another great match. It’s written just a like a big man small man match should be written with the big man winning. It looked like Angel would overcome but couldn’t in the end.
Advertisement 7: Romeo King
Summary: A vignette with two gangstas spouting stereotypical heelish antics.
Review: good promo. I liked that it was out of the building. Formatting needs to be different and I hope that the dialogue improves. I get the banter, but the dialect can be intertwined with standard third person narrative to complete the flow of the story.
Tru Grit Division Match
Andre Aquarius vs Shadowlove
Writer: Andre Aquarius
Summary: Aquarious comes out and shoots on Shadowloves crew in an LOL moment. Andre is becoming one of those heels that the fans will love to cheer. His antics rile up Shadowlove who starts the match on the offensive. Andre gains control and foes for the first near pinfall as the match evens up. Despite Miyamoto getting involved Andre is able to maintain focus and pick up the win.
Review: Another great written match. I really liked the action and the story with Miyamoto getting involved. A heel manager should always influence the match be it positively or negatively for her client and she did just that. Andre remains undefeated in NBW as well.
Advertisement 8: Joe Smarts
Summary: Episode 1 of JOEPRAH! First Guest The Commish, and it appears that Joe doesn’t know who he is. You actually get some great insight into The Commish here, learning about his past as a bumfight champion and his intentions for the bum fight division moving forward. He plays it very straight and seems to take his job seriously.
Review: I really liked this segment. Joe is hilarious and The Commish played his role perfectly. The Jellyfish handshake at the end was just the cherry o the sundae. Good stuff. A good interlude after a lot of serious action.
First Blood Division Match
FarCry vs Corey Bull
Writer: FarCry
Summary: And back to serious action. Vincent Pryde sits and watches this match now with his bodyguard but with the First blood Champion Kid DeKay. Bull purposely cuts himself open and wants FarCry to do the same. As FarCry appears to do So Bull gets impatient and pounds on FarCry busting him open himself. Bull has control for most of the match with it involving FarCry trying to get the big man to the ground. He finally does and the men end up outside the ring. They get back in the ring and FarCry is able to evade enough moves and after about 6 high risk hard hitting moves is able to finally get the big man up for his finisher and wins the match.
Kid Dekay comes and attacks FarCry after the match with his title. Vincent Pryde names FarCry and Emmit Krauss as number one contenders for the First blood title at Blood Moon Rising.
Review: I was trying to tell a David and Goliath story with a bit of the MPD issue that FarCry has as well in there. I want FarCry to be essentially like Cesaro when he wrestles, absurdly strong and nimble. I was thinking when he hit The Great Khali with his finisher and how it made Cesaro an ultimate winner in my book since that day when I wrote that finish. And I wanted Bull to be so hard to take down that it took literally everything that Knox had to throw at him.
I wrote the attack at the end of the match but was not expecting the match announcement. That was all Pryde.
Advertisement 9: Karlie
Summary: Karlie Nash gets more pussy than any of the guys on the roster, and she’s trying to make a women gay for her.
Review: Karlie is the best. Nothing like a good lesbian interlude between matches.
Main Event
Legato vs “Heavy Metal’ Matsutarou
Writer: Kyle
Summary: Sebastian Knight comes out to watch the match. The two men match strength and Matasatarou shows quickness and takes advantage. Legato gains control and forces Mat to the outside close to Knight. Mat gets Knight out of his chair and uses it to sit Legato in and delivers a flying knee strike for the move of the night! The match continues with both men vying for that pinfall, all about the victory and Mat FINALLY nails the Panic Attack for the victory!
The feeling of victory is short lived as Knight smashes Mat with the chair sending him down. Cassidy Kaine, the NBW Champion, comes out and is met with a Chairshot as well leaving Sebastian Knight standing in the ring with chair in hand displaying dominance and setting up his main event push.
Review: This was a fucking awesome match. The formatting got messed up when I copied it to my word document to read it at work but it was great. Great way to end the show.
Overall Review- 8.5/10 show
So many matches were incredibly well written. The segments mostly did something. Everyone has been introduced, and new characters come in they can introduce themselves, but all segments by people in the fed need to be pushing angles, not just simply hype promos.
Between the Insurgence, and Andre and Brooke, and The Commish and Bull, and Mya and FarCry, and the Champions struggle to maintain power to the clearing up main event for the PPV, there’s a lot of great things going on. Much better than last week.
WE NEED A SHOW FORMATTING THREAD. WE NEED CONTINUITY IN SEGMENTS AND MATCHES. That’s all.
Short Version
Favorite Match:
Why?:
Honorable Mention:
Favorite Segment:
Why?:
Honorable Mention:
What did you like about it?
What would you change about it?
Dark Match
Bum Fight Battle Royal
Writer: The Commish
Summary- The match is essentially a TL;DR to the final paragraph
Conway: Well folks, it seems this match has not officially ended. However, Commissioner Lamarche has called for a stoppage. With two fighters left and no contender yet decided, it seems the outcome will have to come at a later date. Captain Pelican who interfered tonight was not sanctioned for competition after last week’s debacle. Check New Blood Wrestling online, or find follow us on Twitter for more. This has been Bum Fights, brought to you by Arby’s… letting you know: “We Have The Meats.” Stay tuned for a episode of New Blood Wrestling - live from Madison Square Garden!
But you should ALWAYS read stuff the Commish writes so I suggest you do it.
Review: Fun match with a lot of brutality with fun spots. Is anyone else invested in this? I want to see Captain Pelican Prevail personally
Advertisement 1: Travis McKenna
Summary: Introducing Travis McKenna and Morgan Baker… FEAR OF GOD!
Review: the segment was written well. It stayed a good length to keep the reader engaged and ended appropriately. However, with all due respect the opening segment is a main event segment IMO or a killer match. Not an introduction to a wrestler/team segment. I think the following segment would have been better suited to open the show.
Champion’s Meeting
Summary: These men and woman don’t get along, but they feel like they have to fight to keep the past intact. They all feel their legacies slipping away and rightfully so with this amazing new influx of talent. Kraus taking the role of leader even as a non champion.
Review: This is a perfect opening segment of a show. This should have been the opener. This is all of the champions in the fed getting together planning their way through the show. I’m glad they’re getting involved as everyone wants a piece of them.
It ends by cutting to the wrong match though… woopsy
Mya Denton vs Delilah Black
Writer: The Commish
Summary- a 15 star match ending with Mya Denton picking up the victory.
Review: Well written match with good attention to detail. The slight mention of the FarCry angle with Denton was a nice added and unexpected touch.
Advertisement 2: Razzle Dazzle
Summary: Broski pass me the ranch sauce
Review: Ranch is NOT A SAUCE… It’s a DRESSING! Complete fail!
For Real I thought it was a funny quick line and an appropriate set up potentially for what these guys are. It actually left me wanting more even though this review is longer than the segment lol.
Tag Match Snake Pit on Commentary
The Razzle Dazzlers of Fantazzmagazzles vs “The Big Deal” Gray Zee and Joe Smarts
Writer: the Commish
Summary: The Razzle …. Win the match with a GTS followed by a 360 leg drop.
Review: great debut for the Razzle Dazzlers. Fine written match and I look forward to reading more from both teams.
Advertisement 3: Brooke Bell
Summary: GET A ROOM YOU TWO!
Review: Short and sweet segment, building a relationship between the two characters. Could use a bit more scene description but sometimes less is more. I’m definitely interested to see where this goes.
First Blood Division Match
Leo vs Emmit Kraus
Writer: Masatarou
Summary: Leo goes in as a lovable face, and Emmit as the swarmy heel. Krauss forces the issue and drawing blood. We don’t even know if Leo is capable for drawing blood on Emmit at this point, morally that is. But a codebreaker takes that issue away as it slices open Emmit. Emmit finally gains control and comes away with the win.
Review: This was the best written match I think I’ve read in the two shows. It was the perfect length, had the right amount of action vs commentary. It told a story and was easy to go through. Both wrestlers came out strong without it beign forced. Well done Masatarou, Thanks.
Advertisement 4: Commish
Summary: The unlikely and devastating pairing of The Commish and Corey Bull get together again. Bull presents Pelican I suppose as his Bum Prodigy. Bull and The Commish beat on Pelican a little bit showing their lack of time for bullshit and their imposing natures.
Review: I found this hard to read. It’s disjoined, there’s not a lot of narration, which isn’t always necessary but I think was needed more here and the standard third person narrative as opposed to script writing with third person narration is confusing with all the writing so tight and short. It’s also different then the way the rest of the show is laid out. As a segment and pushing forward an angle it did exactly what it needed to, it just needed to be formatted differently.
Nyeo Son vs Dark Spectre vs Alex Richards
Writer: Commish
Summary: The match turns into a standard one on one when the commish comes out and explains that Richards is not available, but it’s not exactly clear why. But it is clear that nefarious actions have been taken to ensure this. Both men trade control of the match. Spectre looks like he’s met his match but refuses to quit despite what Nyeo throws his way. This frustration at not being able to put Spectre away gets the better of him and Spectre has the wherewithal to climb on top of Nyeo after an impressive reversal and pick up the win.
Review: Well written match. Both Roleplayers deserved strong showings and they got it. Spectre looks like a perennial underdog which I think fits the character.
Then we cut right to a promo.
Summary: Pryde and onslaught come out with a large sack then turns out is implied that Alex Richards is stuffed inside! Pryde is determined to keep control of the company he built by any means necessary and it’s clear. You’re with him or against him. A line has been drawn in the sand, and soon a choice will have to be made it seems.
Review: This was some dark shit. Good story. The quotations work better here with more of a soliloquy, but we need a standard format for everything.
Advertisement 5: Bonnie Blue
Blue and Verez show up on screen plotting their plan for dominance. Andre Jenson joins the fray and makes Sam Kidsgrove continue to look like a star with his words about him. He accuses the women about something then shakes their hand. He slips them a card reading INSURGENCY
Review: Awesome segment. We don’t know what’s going on but an alliance between The Guardains and Kidsgrove and Jenson will be entertaining AF. I loved 99% of it.
ONE thing to nitpick about, the 1%. Pryde should have kept the girls abreast OOC of what was happening RIGHT BEFORE this segment. The fact that they didn’t mention what Pryde said about Richards and the implied kidnapping seems off. It’s Efedding and there are going to be inconsistencies, but communication can prevent that from happening. Not everything has to be a surprise, things need to be discussed and planned out to maintain continuity. For example, what if someone was writing a segment for later in the show and they were walking backstage and wrote “Wrestler X walks by the trio of Guardians and then Past Shadowlove and Miss Miyamoto as he makes his way to his destination…” It’s an arbitrary thought but can cause an impassable inconsistency in the show. Again, nitpicking.
Women’s Division Match w/ Special Guest ref Vandalia w/ Bonnie Blue on commentary
Brooke Bell and Erin Fausse vs L Verez and Travis McKenna
Writer: Bonnie Blue
Summary: Verez and Bell Start. Bell seems to disrespect Verez as L takes control. Tags in McKenna, the odd Man in a woman’s match, and he loses the control. Bell maintains control for a while, with Fausse denying tag attempts when it doesn’t suit her. Fausse eventually gets in and maintains control. Chaos breaks loose and Bonnie can’t help herself. She strats hitting people with chairs, finally nailing Vandalia. But this is NBW and the match doesn’t end there. Bonnie Blue fights onslaught backstage and when the dust settles Fausse picks up the victory with a 450 splash on Verez.
Review: Awesome match. Fun to read, entertaining, told a story. Like Matasarou earlier, THIS is how a match should read. Great combination of action and commentary. It’s a hard balance to find but Bonnie nailed it here. Congrats to the winners.
Advertisement 6: FarCry
Summary: FarCry and Mya Denton have another small interchange. FarCry shouts no… Mya Shouts Yes… FFC has no idea what’s going on.
Review: I’m curious on what you think.
Chaos vs Matt Angel
Writer: Bonnie
Summary: David vs goliath and Matt Angel has to use his quickness to try and take down the Big Man Chaos. He gets him down with relative ease but can’t keep control. Chaos’s size gets the better of the match. But a high risk move gets Angel back into the match. But the big man’s size can’t be overcome as Chaos hits a chokeslam and picks up the victory.
Review: Another great match. It’s written just a like a big man small man match should be written with the big man winning. It looked like Angel would overcome but couldn’t in the end.
Advertisement 7: Romeo King
Summary: A vignette with two gangstas spouting stereotypical heelish antics.
Review: good promo. I liked that it was out of the building. Formatting needs to be different and I hope that the dialogue improves. I get the banter, but the dialect can be intertwined with standard third person narrative to complete the flow of the story.
Tru Grit Division Match
Andre Aquarius vs Shadowlove
Writer: Andre Aquarius
Summary: Aquarious comes out and shoots on Shadowloves crew in an LOL moment. Andre is becoming one of those heels that the fans will love to cheer. His antics rile up Shadowlove who starts the match on the offensive. Andre gains control and foes for the first near pinfall as the match evens up. Despite Miyamoto getting involved Andre is able to maintain focus and pick up the win.
Review: Another great written match. I really liked the action and the story with Miyamoto getting involved. A heel manager should always influence the match be it positively or negatively for her client and she did just that. Andre remains undefeated in NBW as well.
Advertisement 8: Joe Smarts
Summary: Episode 1 of JOEPRAH! First Guest The Commish, and it appears that Joe doesn’t know who he is. You actually get some great insight into The Commish here, learning about his past as a bumfight champion and his intentions for the bum fight division moving forward. He plays it very straight and seems to take his job seriously.
Review: I really liked this segment. Joe is hilarious and The Commish played his role perfectly. The Jellyfish handshake at the end was just the cherry o the sundae. Good stuff. A good interlude after a lot of serious action.
First Blood Division Match
FarCry vs Corey Bull
Writer: FarCry
Summary: And back to serious action. Vincent Pryde sits and watches this match now with his bodyguard but with the First blood Champion Kid DeKay. Bull purposely cuts himself open and wants FarCry to do the same. As FarCry appears to do So Bull gets impatient and pounds on FarCry busting him open himself. Bull has control for most of the match with it involving FarCry trying to get the big man to the ground. He finally does and the men end up outside the ring. They get back in the ring and FarCry is able to evade enough moves and after about 6 high risk hard hitting moves is able to finally get the big man up for his finisher and wins the match.
Kid Dekay comes and attacks FarCry after the match with his title. Vincent Pryde names FarCry and Emmit Krauss as number one contenders for the First blood title at Blood Moon Rising.
Review: I was trying to tell a David and Goliath story with a bit of the MPD issue that FarCry has as well in there. I want FarCry to be essentially like Cesaro when he wrestles, absurdly strong and nimble. I was thinking when he hit The Great Khali with his finisher and how it made Cesaro an ultimate winner in my book since that day when I wrote that finish. And I wanted Bull to be so hard to take down that it took literally everything that Knox had to throw at him.
I wrote the attack at the end of the match but was not expecting the match announcement. That was all Pryde.
Advertisement 9: Karlie
Summary: Karlie Nash gets more pussy than any of the guys on the roster, and she’s trying to make a women gay for her.
Review: Karlie is the best. Nothing like a good lesbian interlude between matches.
Main Event
Legato vs “Heavy Metal’ Matsutarou
Writer: Kyle
Summary: Sebastian Knight comes out to watch the match. The two men match strength and Matasatarou shows quickness and takes advantage. Legato gains control and forces Mat to the outside close to Knight. Mat gets Knight out of his chair and uses it to sit Legato in and delivers a flying knee strike for the move of the night! The match continues with both men vying for that pinfall, all about the victory and Mat FINALLY nails the Panic Attack for the victory!
The feeling of victory is short lived as Knight smashes Mat with the chair sending him down. Cassidy Kaine, the NBW Champion, comes out and is met with a Chairshot as well leaving Sebastian Knight standing in the ring with chair in hand displaying dominance and setting up his main event push.
Review: This was a fucking awesome match. The formatting got messed up when I copied it to my word document to read it at work but it was great. Great way to end the show.
Overall Review- 8.5/10 show
So many matches were incredibly well written. The segments mostly did something. Everyone has been introduced, and new characters come in they can introduce themselves, but all segments by people in the fed need to be pushing angles, not just simply hype promos.
Between the Insurgence, and Andre and Brooke, and The Commish and Bull, and Mya and FarCry, and the Champions struggle to maintain power to the clearing up main event for the PPV, there’s a lot of great things going on. Much better than last week.
WE NEED A SHOW FORMATTING THREAD. WE NEED CONTINUITY IN SEGMENTS AND MATCHES. That’s all.
Short Version
Favorite Match:
Why?:
Honorable Mention:
Favorite Segment:
Why?:
Honorable Mention:
What did you like about it?
What would you change about it?