Post by Andre Aquarius on Jan 9, 2018 18:10:13 GMT
Chink-eyed bitch wit’ da sideways slit: A Star Wars Story
What you be seein’ before you ain’t a five minute set up of that coastal shit. Prince Lightskin, Ya boi, SickWaves Blackamura, Mister Kunta, or whateva else the fuck you wanna call’em ain’t need it. Not here...not now. All that Andre muhfuckin’ Aquarius NEEDS is some nigga holdin’ the camera, ya feel me?
Ya boi winds up on that shit Hulkster style and puts his ear against a Beats Pill (cause Bose is for jabronis) which emits a loud buzz similar to what ya might hear if Steve Harvey asked you to name a talented wrestler and your dumbass answered “Uh...um...Shadowlove?” #LOL
Andre: It’s pretty sad seein’ some’uh the shit that can take place over the course of a couple years in this sport. I mean, ya boi steps away from this crowd for a bit and what happens in my absence? Fuckin’ Shadowlove is what happens. Yeah, I know ‘bout that #YouSeaEye ish and apparently, not havin’ Andre Aquarius to boost ya brand means pullin’ a third string white nigga from #DubSeaEff and prayin’ to them GAWDS above that it works out the same. Again, my nigga Stevie H says to hit you wit’ another “X”.
Unfortunately, what muhfuckers be havin’ to see on they TV screens is someone who just fails at doin’ Andre Aquarius. I know how this man be flappin’ them gums and actin’ like he’s the one-man brand that ain’t need the accolades to be a draw or to instill fear in the hearts of the opposition, but this nigga a con artist and it ain’t like he a very good one neither. This is usually how it be though whenever a white dude thinks they’re reinventin’ the wheel. See, niggas is like The Simpsons. Chances are that we did it first and we did it better. You can try to make dude feel good about himself, say some shit like “Ehhh, he’s at least Family Guy though”, but you know this the type’uh nigga who thought the Vinnie episodes we’re a good idea.
He’s got Lucy Liu to make things more interestin’ though, huh? Whenever Massah Shady finds himself in a predicament, there’s lil’ gookly eyes to help save the day whether it be via distraction or more direct interference, Ms. Miyagi be there wit’ a juice box and a cheap pep talk provided to her by Google translate whenever xXShadyBoi69Xx be needin’ a pick me up. That’s supposed to be the man’s Hulkin’ up, his big equalizer and that right there is the big difference between Shady and ya boi right here.
When lookin’ to the bag’uh tricks feels like a necessary step, the most that Kunta needs is a lil’ bit of #RodneysRevenge and sometimes, it don’t even take that much. It definitely ain’t be takin’ that much against a nigga like FarCry, ya heard? I almost feel bad for Shady really. You know that this muhfucker be feelin’ like a fuckin’ bum when he has to admit to himself that he requires the services of a lil’ chink that ain’t no bigger than a Star Wars action figure, that a shit DDT and dad-like vision of style ain’t gonna get the job done.
What Prince Lightskin brings to the table, my brand of unpredictable ish, that’s somethin’ that you just ain’t ever finna understand. On top of the fact that you prolly ain’t met a real nigga in ya life, you also ‘bout to be properly introduced to the realest one of’em all. Are you really prepared for that, ol’ boi? Are you mentally ready to have everything you try to convince yourself of ripped out ya hands like a fuckin’ crack baby? You best brace yourself, duder, because da #DankpartmentofHumanServices is comin’ for ya ass.
Let ya boi be a lil’ bit more blunt wit’ ya ol’ head ass for a minute, alright? I hit the tapes on ya, ShadyBoi. Me and bruh bruh nation, we seen what you was doin’ back in #DubSeaEff and it wasn’t a whole lot, was it? Nah, ya ass just wasn’t the impact player that you felt you was meant to be, so then what happened? You did what anyone else might do and you went out seekin’ better opportunity from another company who you thought may appreciate ya more. You went to that #YouSeaEye joint, because it was that clean slate where you were just irrelevant enough in ya previous fed for them not to really remember how much’uh that ass you be suckin’, but just established enough to net yourself a decent contract.
#YouSeaEye was ya big success story, wasn’t it? Where you finally grabbed a championship that held weight at a national level? Congrats to you on achievin’ somethin’, big dog. I bet it felt not bein’ forced to lie to both yourself and the rest of the world anymore wit’ that “I don’t need a championship to be a major player.” bullshit, huuhhhh? The problem there is that shit only works when you ain’t made to look like a bitch ass mark by every world champion you come in contact with or when that “well deserved” title win ain’t somethin’ that muhfuckers already forgot about.
History likes to repeat itself sometimes though and that’s where you find yourself, ShadyBoi. You went to #YouSeaEye wit’ that lil’ bit of optimism and now #EnBeeDub is here to raise ya spirits once more. How long is that shit gon last though, bruh bruh? How many elbows to the temple does it take to get to the tear-soaked center of a ShadyBoi Tootsie Pop? The answer you wrackin’ ya brain for is one and this encounter wit’ Mister Kunta is sure to be a fatal one and ya hopes and dreams is definitely ‘bout to be covered in dat steamin’ hot nigga doo doo.
If them bookers thought Tru Grit was gonna challenge me in a way that First Blood didn’t, then they some fuckin’ morons, plain and simple. SickWaves Blackamura is here to show muhfuckers that I am the one in twenty-nine, the only legitimate nigga on this entire roster who gets to look across the landscape and know for a GAWDDAMN fact that all but one of us in the locker room is part of a glorified extension of the bum fight division, a division led by that Handsome punk-Breed.
Tonight be that night where SickWaves Blackamura finna give you that real PTSD. When you against the ropes and tryin’ to get ya vision back, I’ll be baskin’ in the glory of bein’ your next Alex Richards, Bonnie Blue, or Kevin Bishop. When that #RodneysRevenge connects and you hear that three count as ya whole world starts goin’ black, you gon know what’s up. Then, when you wake up and have ya’self that “Oh shit, not again..” moment, you’ll know that history is repeatin’ itself again, because ShadyBoi, you know it always does. #SEAlieveThat, you fuckin’ homo.
#FadeToLightskin