Post by "Top Dollar" Ryan Zane on Feb 14, 2018 4:59:43 GMT
The scene opens on a exterior of a community college. It cuts inside where we see a class of students and the teacher about to write something on the chalk board.
Teacher- The thing about being an agent... is communication. Communication with you and your client. And...
A fart noise can be heard from the back of the class that is only about 6-7 students..
Teacher- Excuse me... what was that?
Harry Hacson- What's the matter, teach? Haven't you ever heard of somebody CUTTING THE CHEEEEEEESE, before?
Harry Hacson, a man in probably his late 50s laughs hysterically looking around at the other younger students for attention.
Harry- Bunch of lameoids here, eh bud?
Teacher- Who are you again?
Harry - Mr. Harry Hacson. Agent to the stars. I have many clients, kids. Eric Roberts, Tony Danza, RIchard Karn at the peak of Family Feud. That was before I got fired for blowing cocaine off this girls boob-boobs at the office of Gold Agency. Turned out she was under age and the bosses daughter and... well... here I am. But worry not. I still have a client. Ryan Zane. Ex-stunt man and actor and current pro-rassler for NBW. NEEEEWWWWW BLOOOOOOOOD WRESSSSSSTLING!
Teacher- Um, okay. But please keep it down.
Harry- Listen here, you. I'm your worst nightmare when it comes to this class room. Because I rule this school!!
Teacher- How old are you?
Harry(flashes his hands 5 times)- 55! But don't change the subject. You see while it's great my client Ryan Zane has a job in NBW. And has a huge match on Bloody Monday. I still haven't had the heart to tell him that he is fighting a ninja. Ninja Bob. I think in Japan BOB means 'Killer of Man'. How do I tell my only client that he has to not only go up against a Ninja. But he has to go against a Ninja "KILLER OF MAN" Bob? There is nothing in the text books about that. And I'm not allowed on the internet anymore since I usually wind up putting way to many 'viruses' on my 'sons' new 'computer'. So Mr. Smart Sexy Teacher Guy. What do I do with this conundrum? Huh?
Teacher-Um. Okay. Good. Conflict. Now how you should approach this is...
Another fart noise can be heard as Harry begins laughing again. A knock at the door can be heard. The teacher sighs.
Teacher- Come on in...
The door swings open and it is newly signed NBW superstar Ryan Zane. He nods as he looks around waving and pointing as if the students recognized him. They don't. He sees a young woman sitting at a desk next to him. He leans over by her and awkwardly and creepily looks down her shirt.
Woman - You smell like cheap liquor and chicken nuggets.
Ryan- Don't act like you're not sexually attracted to me right now, hun.
Ryan looks around the small class and spots Harry who is scratching his beard. Ryan rushes up to him.
Ryan- Dude, dude. I got your voicemail. So it's official? They signed me? NBW? That is freaking sweet. I can't wait to buy back my loft in Manhattan and hang up a neon sign that says OPEN FOR BUSINESS! Oh! Oh! Oh! Buy a fancy new car. Not the Ghostbusters car, or the Delorion from Back to the Future. But maybe a combination of both? But yellow!
Harry- Listen Ryan. You shouldn't buy these expensive sexy things right away. Make sure you can last there with the talent they have. They can be pretty damn good. And you haven't even wrestled your first match there, yet.
Ryan- Whooooooooooo cares! I am TOP DOLLAR Ryan Zane. I can handle one of these steroided up grease ball. Or one of these cutie-pututies ladies thinking they can survive in a man's sport. As long as it's not a dinosaur, a zombie Patrick Swayze from Roadhouse or some kind of ninja... I will be fine.
Ryan smiles confidently as Harry tries not to make eye contact.
Ryan- What? What Harry? It's not a dinosaur is it? Did life find a way? Damn you sexy Jeff Goldblum and your intelligent sexyness!! Is it? Is it a dino-rex, Harry?
Harry- Nope... it's not a dinosaur or Swayze...
Ryan- Oh... good. What was the third one, i forget already? I'm still kind of a bit buzzed from celebrating in the car...
Harry- It's a Ninja... Ninja Bob, Ryan...
Ryan looks at Harry stunned and he gets a little woozy. Harry gets out of his chair and straightens him up.
Ryan- A nu-nu-nu-ninja?
Harry- Yes, Ry-Ry. But it's not a big deal. You can do this...
Teacher- Excuse me, can you guys take this outside please!
Ryan begins staggering around rudely bumping into the other students.
Ryan - I think I'm going to be sick... daddy shouldn't have ordered that 20 pack of Chicken McNuggets with my six pack of Budweiser. I'm gonna spew-ugh!
Harry(crouching down behind his desk and shouting)- HE'S GONNA BLOW!!!
Ryan proceeds to regurgitate all over the young woman he was flirting with earlier before he falls hard on the class room floor. The woman screams as it fades to black.
5 MINUTES LATER
It shows a close up of a passed out Ryan Zane on the floor. Forming a circle looking down at him is Harry, the teacher and some of the classmates. Ryan still out cold, Harry grabs something from his pocket. It's a package of hotdog wieners. He puts the hotdog by Ryan's nose and then rips it into two pieces and wafts it around waking Ryan up. Ryan quickly rises up. Harry eats the hotdog and licks his fingers making sure he got every bit of juice from it.
Ryan- What the hell happened?
Harry- You vomited on that poor girl because you thought you had to wrestle a deadly ninja.
Ryan gets woozy again and starts dry heaving.
Harry- Don't worry, Ryan. The Teach looked up Ninja Bob's profile on his robot squared device...
Teacher- Um, my phone...
Harry- ... and it turns out this Ninja Bob may be a fraud. I mean he only makes 5 dollars a match in the company and he sold CDs of his Ninja work out for years. He is a bit chunky too. Really, he might just be a masked joke, Ryan. I think you can take him. Don't worry, bud!
Ryan- Oh... oh... so you're telling me that he is an entrepreneur too? Great, what next, under the mask he looks sexier than me!!? Let me guess, i'm wrestling 90's Jean Claude Van Damme aren't i? Juts put a damn bullet in me, Harry. Pull the trigger and and put a bullet in me. Might as well bury me while you are at it. Do you know what Bob stands for in Japanese?
Harry- ... Killer of Man?
Ryan- Killer of... right. Right, Harry.
Teacher- Guy's it does not mean that, trust me...
Ryan- Listen. I knew this wrestling stuff was not going to be easy. But a Ninja? A GOD DAMN FUCKING NINJA!?!?!? I wasn't expecting this in my debut... anything but that. Injecting me with aids and having my dick ripped off is better than this...
Harry- That's a wee bit of an overreaction there, Ryan.
Ryan- I've never overreacted to anything in the history of the planet earth! Let me see that picture of Ol' Killer of Man...
Ryan looks at the teachers phone as see's Ninja Bob's profile image. Ryan looks at Harry and smirks.
Ryan- Oh... well... that's not what I was expecting either... is this for real?
Harry- Real, Ryan. Really real. You got this.
Ryan(smirking as he wipes some puke off his jacket)- Yeah. I think I might, actually. I can beat this guy. I'm THE TOP DOLLAR, baby! This guy can't even touch me... well he probably will manage to get a kick or two in but it won't be enough. This will be a fantastic debut in NBW. I can smell it... it smells a bit like vomit... but i can smell it, and taste it... also... like vomit. Anybody have any mouth wash? Preferably mint Listerine?
The class look at him shrugging.
Ryan- Whatever. Bunch of lameoids.
Harry- That's what I said.
Teacher- I'm going to ask you two to leave please. These people paid for this class. So be respectful and leave.
Harry- Well as the old saying goes... you can't learn, be respectful and leave without a bit of par-tay-ing!
Teacher- No one has ever said that...
Harry pulls out a mini boombox and presses play as LET THE MUSIC PLAY by SHANNON hits. Harry begins thrusting his hips to the music holding the stereo over his head.
Teacher- Okay enough, gentlemen. I wish you luck with your further career in being an agent, Harry. And Ryan, best of luck against the Ninja guy but... you have to leave.
Ryan turns up the volume and begins bopping to the music.
Teacher- You two are very sad...
Ryan(dancing)- Oh yeah! I'm sad... sad about what? That i'm going to kick Ninja Bob's butt next week or the fact that I was diagnosed as mentally retarded as a kid but no one ever told me until I was 18. Yeah... right!!
Harry- Yeah I'm sad because I can barely read... so bad infact I once took 3 mints to stop my high blood pressure... and then choked on those same mints...
SO SAD!!
SO SAD!!
They both mime rubbing tears from their eyes as they dance.
Teacher- If you don't leave I will call security...
Ryan- I can't hear you. THE MUSIC IS TOO LOUD!
The other students begin join into the dancing as they awkwardly do an awful version of the cabbage patch. The teach sits down at his desk as the students, Harry and Ryan all dance to the beats.