Killa Kai
Yellow Belt
| 1x NBPW Intercontinental | Current Champion | 2:0:0 |
Posts: 6
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Post by Killa Kai on Sept 24, 2018 20:44:02 GMT
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Post by kiraizumi on Sept 30, 2018 1:18:23 GMT
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Post by Commish Lamarche on Oct 2, 2018 22:23:02 GMT
Enjoy this song
Due to my finger being a bit infllamed from a work project at the ass crack of dawn this morning, this review may not be to my highest peak. However, the old Commish still got it... or so I'd to think.
Generally put, to send a message as early and as powerful as you did, KK, that impressed me the most. Outside of writing, you can control how others view your work before ever typing a key. Let's say: You had my attention, heard loud and clear. Your content was above expectation and in a rserved fashion. Admittedly, the one-time 7k could have been a disadter for all those judging. Except it didn't because everyone came as themselves, not as an overblown version. Your use of Kai in a smaller window earned my respect as well. It all came across genuine.
Downpoints: Sparse CD, extra-heavy on the theatrics to where they overplayed simple points in the shoot.
Upswinh: Loved his attitude, tone and youthful confidence; nothing of it seemed fake.
Build: Needs more of Kai's place in the universe if he wishes to leap higher. Current promo gives the player but no atmosphere to belong and/or disrupt. I wanted to see more muckraking - the kind of trouble worthy of the "Harkore" namesake.
- the commish (I was until some damn ninjas kidnapped me!)
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Post by Commish Lamarche on Oct 2, 2018 22:28:20 GMT
I didn't have much to add to this one that Zurra didn't already say. I only felt that you have been more pointed in your attack. Specifically, Ryker Morgan was brished aside as untocuhable. A deeper attack, regardless of when you post your promo, is something I expected of a veteran writers. Don't skimp on that meat - I want a triple meat sandwich goddammit!
- the former Commish
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Post by kiraizumi on Oct 3, 2018 0:53:45 GMT
more attacking and digging at people? Got it! also thank you!
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Post by Taysia Lattimore on Oct 5, 2018 4:11:21 GMT
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Post by Commish Lamarche on Oct 9, 2018 21:06:34 GMT
So here's your jam while I glamslam my wizdam
So I'll begin with what draws us to Taysia. She has the level of confidence that you just cannot teach, and more so, it changes how this character is written. Working around this creates curiosity, respect and probably some level of admiration. You cannot make it far in this "biz" without some hint of confidence. Draws from this include her voice among the board's top speaker on the mic.
This developed how the scene and voice worked together, giving us what can be an application for top booking week in and out. However, are you using the full band potential here? Heels may not sell atmosphere like a baby face - so what? Using what helps us get to the root of your mission is how this one promo is a set of stairs. You address an upward trend yet seem unclear in what Taysia wants from winning. Do you need it for gravitas? Or can we chalk this up to another tale of dogs chasing cars: Forever on the trail because it's their nature to do so.
Development of this character is going to hinge on how both your promo and confidence intertwine. You have the porous membrane all heels have, just make sure you press more and find more than weak points. Step on faces if you have to, but I honestly wanted more callous climbing over the roster than what we got.
Construction-wise: Find more brevity, if possible. There felt like about 10% that could have been condensed into a more potent attack. You covered a lot - and it totally worked - but I'd like to see more specialization and less manufacturing. Length is as much a friend as is your enemy in this biz. I read every line. Many do not. My advice would think of outside readers in your approach. This is, of course, something that most people work to find.
Hoping that gives you some working points.
- Old Jo
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